Survive an Affair: Put the Man Back in The Marriage

by admin on December 7, 2013

affair proof marriageLooking at an affair from the outside of the marriage is much easier than being in the situation. Outside of the marriage, surviving an affair can seem impossible, but inside of the marriage, emotions and memories have a huge impact on the situation and that makes staying in the marriage an option that many men consider.

Can A Marriage Survive An Affair?

The statistics look bleak. According to marriage infidelity statistics, only 31% of marriages last after an affair has been discovered. [Source:] However, don’t let these statistics get you down, because they don’t take into account how much effort both people put into surviving the affair or what kind of effort they put in.

If you feel as though your marriage is worth saving, then yes, you can absolutely survive an affair. The desire to have things well again will help you get through the pain and any obstacles in the way of a healthy marriage.

Surviving An Affair By Embracing Your Masculine Or Feminine Side

I’m willing to bet that you need to change in order to make the marriage work. If your wife had the affair, this may seem like a stupid point. Why should you change yourself when she is the one who went out on the marriage? Shouldn’t she be the one to change?

Whether you want to admit it or not, you had a part in the affair. You need to move past the point of view that she has to change something and recognize that your interaction with is, in part, to blame.

Maybe you were too involved in work to notice that she needed you to be there for her, and she fell unsupported and unloved. Maybe you were too passive in the marriage and let her ‘wear the pants’, which made her feel less like your wife and more like your father.

The fact is that by understanding what you can do better in the marriage, and changing yourself, you will be offering her a man who she is attracted to and satisfies her, and that simple step will make surviving an affair much easier.

Understanding What She Needs In The Marriage (And What You Need)

You have probably heard that she needs understanding, compassion, and someone to listen to her in order to feel satisfied in the marriage, and that is very true; however, I want to go deeper than that and take a look at what she needs from you on a biological level.

Nature demands that in every relationship there is a balance between feminine and masculine energies. This balance is the only way a relationship can survive without turmoil.

There were certain characteristics that drew you to your wife and your wife to you. These characteristics are either masculine or feminine in nature. That balance has likely been thrown out of whack in your marriage, and if you don’t get it back, your marriage will never be satisfying to either of you.

As a male, you have both feminine and masculine characteristics; however, thanks to hormones, you likely display more masculine characteristics than feminine. Masculine characteristics include being logical, passionate, stable, and confident. Masculine characteristics also include integrity, discipline, and passion. Do you display these characteristics in your marriage?

If you are married to a feminine woman who displays feminine characteristics such as emotion, sensuality, affection, gentleness, patience, and love, and you don’t display masculine characterizes in your marriage, then the balance is upset and turmoil in the marriage starts.

Alternatively, if you fell in love with a woman who displays masculine characteristics and you displayed feminine characteristics, then developing more masculine characteristics can throw a wrench in the dynamic of the marriage.

In short, there has to be a balance of masculine and feminine in the marriage, and you need to know when to display certain characteristics to maintain that balance.

Where To Go From Here?

Surviving an affair includes recognizing how the marriage has changed and what you need to do to bring it back into balance. This knowledge will give you a concrete plan to start rebuilding your marriage.

Remember that you don’t always have to display masculine characteristics in order for your marriage to feel balanced. Sometimes you may be vulnerable and your wife may be the aggressive one who takes action, and that is okay, as long as you both stay true to your natural tendencies to be either more masculine or feminine when it is all said and done.

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